Animals are so beautiful and fascinating. I’m especially fond of baboons.
One of the things that I love most about watching a nature show about baboons is seeing the one- two- hump-a-roo mating style. I know that sounds freaky, hearing that I enjoy baboon fooking, but I envy non-human monkey mammal’s simple sex lives. I really do. Their lives in general are so uncomplicated. They just bang each other right quick and go about the business of picking nits out of each other’s fur or foraging for berries, finding places to sleep and whatnot. I mean, aside from the whole alpha male gets first crack at the babe with the pinkest, puffiest ass, their relationships are cut and dry.
It would be hecka-sweet to be a baboon IF I didn’t give a shit about emotional intimacy, because look at the ass I could have.
LOOK AT DAT ASS!
Puffy baboon ass goodness!
I’ve been married for 20 years. Nothing about my relationship with my husband is cut and dry or one-two-humparoo anymore. Well, occasionally the sex is one-two-humparoo. We are in that phase of life where our sex life takes a backseat to everything else. I often miss the days when our relationship was easy and uncomplicated, when we were like young baboons – sans the bugs – energetic, focused and immersed in a fresh, new, passionate, romantic love.
Sex, in general, for animals and human beings, is a simple thing. Everybody does the same stuff for the most part – one-two-humparoo! Unfortunately, sometimes our humanness sucks the simple out of it, because human relationships are complicated and we are capable of more than the one-two-humparoo. At the start of a relationship, it’s simple hot baboon like fooking, but the evolution of a human relationship is inevitable and shit gets real. Real life issues make their way into the bedroom and this is the turning point in all human relationships. So much of the time, humans are nowhere near reaching our full potential in the bedroom.
You’d think our humanness would make the transition from sex to intimacy easy, but actually it’s just the opposite. Baboons may just be fooking, but at least they always know where they stand with each other, and really, they don’t want more than the basic act. It’s just not that way with humans. We do want more!
So how do we get that more?
What can humans do to enjoy the simple pleasure of sex combined with the kind of complex intimacy that makes sex more than a one-two-baboon in the jungle humparoo?
It’s actually quite simple, even if you are in a complex relationship where intimacy is waning due to complex human issues. It seems complicated, because unlike baboons, humans have to do so much more than fook and groom and forage, but at the end of the day, we still have very basic needs that demand our attention – hunger, sleep, and sex! We get distracted by our jobs, cars, homes, kids, lawns that need mowing, dogs that need walking and bathrooms that need cleaning. These things won’t change yet neither will our cravings for intimacy and variety in our sex lives. Why does sex take a backseat to everything else?
Because we don’t prioritize it, and unlike the need for sex and the act itself, the reasons for this ARE complex.
In order to get our sex and intimacy needs met, we must engage in the kind of behavior that separates human beings from the animals. What human things are lacking in your human relationship prevent you from prioritizing this basic human need? Intimacy is so much more than regular one-two-humparoo. No matter how complex the issues might be, sometimes something as simple as lack of effort, boredom, not knowing where to start are huge barriers to getting back on track.
Bedroom Chemist can help.
Look at this sexy face! And she has presents! Oooooo like sexy Christmas!
Bedroom Chemist helps you prioritize the simple tasks required to create an atmosphere that encourages connectedness, variety and physical closeness. It’s okay to need help doing this, because while the acts of fooking and fooling around are quite simple, achieving real human physical and emotional intimacy isn’t. There is no shame in admitting that you need a little support and guidance to get there, or get back there.
They have a great fucking blog, too! Bedroom Buzz, bitches! It’s realistic and relatable, not some Cosmopolitan Sex and the City baboon brain bullshit about heat minus love. Ain’t no mommy got time for that shit, right? We are capable of so much more and we deserve more.
The health benefits of true intimacy are beyond what nutrition and medication and simple, empty, scheduled schtupping provide. It’s true that baboons have it good, but humans have the potential to have it even better if we choose to. Yes, it would be easier to be a monkey, but since that’s not an option, I’m giving you a viable and interesting option to help you get what you want and need. Let the Bedroom Chemists give you the inspiration, hope and support you need to get past the one-two-baboon humparoo.
You won’t be sorry. Tell them Nikki sent you. Code MWDAS.
Yes, tell them!
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Experience romance, seduction & irresistible delight this Valentine’s Day with Bedroom Chemist! Their kits are overflowing with products, tips and games that are perfect for couples seeking pleasure and intimacy. Use the code MWAS and receive 10% off your first kit!
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