People often ask me why I raise money for other charities and organizations instead of creating my own. And lately some have asked why I’m not as funny as I used to be
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m fucking hilarious. Shut your holes, haters.
Anyway, do you know how hard it is to run a 501C-3? No? Well it’s a shit-storm of rules and work and papers and just NO. Create my own thing? GAH! I’d rather eat the puke at every meal for a week. Besides, there are so many organizations raising cash and awareness for causes that I care about.
So that is why I choose to lend my voice to others, hoping that what I can contribute by turning MWDAS readers on to them helps keep whatever they got going on afloat. Uncle Ben told Peter Parker this…
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
Deep. And despite the raging narcissistic undertones suggested by my use of the Spiderman quote, according to my therapist, I’m too self-deprecating and not nearly narcissistic enough to NEED my name on a charity and far too lazy to make it a reality even if I was.
BITCH is always right.
Oh but I do so wish (read using a British accent) people would stop whining about how I used to be funnier and asking why can’t I go back to just being hilarious? Dumbasses obviously are new to the MWDAS show. Things evolve, an although I have always been the share type and plugged into using the social media to raise awareness and funds, making sure to weave in healthy psychology and heartfelt motherfucking shit into my blog posts, it seems that some would prefer that is all I do is rant and swear and try to be hilarious all the time and cut out the serious, and these people whine excessively about it.
There has been a huge – and I mean MEGA-MASSIVE- explosion of mommy blogs in the years since I started this gig in 2008. Let the newbie bewbies write about butt wiping, asshole husbands, bitches at carpool and make time to tweet no less than 5 but no more than 10 times a day about how clean #shitremovinglaundrymiraclesoap gets their laundry. I ain’t interested. I find it quite un-fun to write top ten lists day after day about parenting or researching Google keywords so that whatever I post will go viral and please people. I’d rather write about whatever the hell I want to write about and if it’s funny and includes stuff about parenting, swell.
If it’s not, well that’s just the way the ball sacks bounce and swing sometimes, so you just have to duck and shut up because all the wailing in the world isn’t going to change things. I tell my kids that all the time and for the most part, they shut their pie holes after one of two hot cups of shut the fuck up from momma. Do I really have to tell grown ups to stop whining and to avoid saying anything if they can’t say nice things?
Obviously I do.
But first I want to continue my un-funny and disappointing streak and take the opportunity to thank the people who donated generously to the 2013 Little Friends Step Up For Autism Walk and give them the shout outs I promised when blogging and begging for donations. I do so want to brag (British again please) about you and the power WE have as a social media group. Because of YOU guys, Team Tommy Kistler was among the top five fundraisers this year! To see how much ass we kicked, click HERE!
PUT THAT IN YOUR WHINY BUTT PIPE AND SMOKE IT!
First of all, I’d like to thank Ally, and her son Logan, from The Crumb Diaries for making and auctioning off slombies. Want to know how much they went for? Do you?
Well take a fucking look at this! Click HERE to see the auction results.
FIVE HUNDRED DOLLA MAKE ME HOLLA! Thank you Logan and Al!
And so, I am asking you, begging you really, to check out the websites and whatnot that generously gave honoring Team Tommy Kistler and The Little Friends Center for Autism in Naperville. I do not endore the views or products personally and I say this so you can’t blame me if your genitals explode as a result of your support for these people and their stuff. I don’t think it will, but I make no promises and tell no lies (this is a lie).
These blogs – Oh yes, yeah baby. Click right on them, tickle those keys. Oh god yes…. that feels so good! Seriously though. Please? Thanks
The Crumb Diaries
Three words – Funny as fuck. Seriously this blog is off the chain. Slombie makers, loving family. It’s tits, yo! I AM ADDICTED TO THIS BLOG.
Red Vines and Red Wine
Awesome educator and autism advocate and proud mom of three kids one who has autism, one who went bald to raise awareness about pediatric cancer and one who draws magical things that will blow your mind. Blow. Your. Mind.
It Builds Character
Life, family, career, community and home. The whole package. This lady nails it and has the heartiest heart of gold and grammar skills I’ve ever known and seen and felt. She also has a nice butt. Word!
Dribbles and Grits
Mad-hattery that occasionally enlightens on a mysteriously profoundish level with a focus on momming and dadding, which is another way of saying a place to procrastinate doing the dishes. Her words, which I think are perfect!
Find My Eyes
Find My Eyes is a blog written by a SAHD dad raising a six-year-old boy with an autism spectrum disorder. Jordan, the author, has a sweet sugar momma wife and a toddler – the entire family has red hair. Oh the ginger-tasticness!
Squeaky Clean Soaps – Andi Burkholder
Squeaky Clean Soaps is a small, handmade custom soap company creating fun, functional favors, gift and everyday soaps and spa items. Eliminate the goody bag and give them something they can really use: SOAP!
Jeremy Roadruck, A.K.A.Jeremy R, the Kung Fu Guy
n international #1 best selling book on Amazon, Your Best Child Ever: Is This Game Worth Winning gives parents a new way to look at action and interaction with children of all ages (husbands and wives, too!). Imagine your children coming to you, looking for ways to contribute to household chores, being more helpful and respectful to each other, and being responsible – all with minimal input or guidance from you! And, the book comes with a money back guarantee – how rare is that? Buy his book by clicking HERE or HERE for Kindle.
Hi-ya, Sifu Jeremy!
And last, but certainly not least – check this Lutimax business out!
LUTIMAX – Stephanie Cameron
Lutimax™ Pediatric Powder is a patented/proprietary formula that is an all-natural powder supplement typically given to children from the ages of 2 and up. Lutimax Pediatric Powder has clinically shown to help improve the quality of life in children. It can help with speech improvement, emotional attachment, cognitive functions, coordination, behavior outbursts, attention span, intimacy, interaction, and comprehension. DISCOUNT CODE FOR MWDAS READERS – SUFA20.
Thanks to donors Heather Kash from St. Baldricks, Melanie Impastato, Karen Knepper, Andrea Henry, Carrie Stokes, Heather McNamera, Jack Kane Kyla Wood, Renee Nordgren, Susan Chiofolo, Jennifer Newport, Penny Roach, and Vickie Saenz-Brown. Thank you for proving how good and kind the world can be.
Finally, please take the time to find all these beayooooootiful and generous souls (including me) on Facebook and Twitter and if you don’t like the way I’m blending the serious and funny, well…feel free to go fuck yourself you whiny bitch. Thankyouverymuch.
Just do it. Don’t miss a post. I promise that I will never email you spam or nudie pics of any politician or professional athlete’s peen.
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